But plans don't always (almost never) work out exactly as planned.
Two weeks ago, I interviewed for an anchor/reporter job at a small news station in Idaho. The opening was a full-time position, and would've been a phenomenal opportunity starting out in my career path, not to mention close to home.
When I arrived, the interviewee informed me they were considering me for a part time reporter position as well; one that paid so little I couldn't have feasibly lived off the wages, even if I secured another part time job.
It doesn't take a genius to figure out which job the station offered me.
I would've jumped at the part time opporunity, if I could have afforded it. But that's just the way it goes sometimes.
On Saturday, in the midst of a self pity-fest over my recent career (or lack thereof) developments, I spied a thermometer and realized it was 65 degrees outside. And the Burke-Gilman Trail meets up with a park across the street from house.
So I laced up my kicks, cued up some angry rap tunes in my earbuds, and went for a run.
As I went, I pondered this question: "Why do I feel so terrible right now?" Maybe because I've been out of school for seven months and am no closer to starting my career? Because I haven't accomplished my goals? Because I got my hopes up so high for my recent job interview and was let down?
And then it hit me: I felt guilty. I felt guilty that I haven't taken the opportunity (going to and graduating from college) and turned it into a career yet. And I have several loved ones who either didn't or couldn't take advantage of the same opportunity. And because of them, and partly because of who I am, I've felt the need to prove that I deserved this opportunity. I needed to prove that I was good enough, and until I did that, everything else was to be put on hold. Life included.
This line of reasoning has caused me to be living in the best city in America but not enjoying it.
And I'm sick of it.
I've worked my tail off since I was in grade school toward a single goal, and now I'm in a place where the only thing I can do is apply for jobs and wait. I have no control over when the opportunity for a job comes, and that's no reason to be miserable.
I am good enough, and I'm happy with the way I've lived my life and treated those around me, and I'm going to just enjoy the ride, as opposed to enduring it. I have no reason to feel guilty, and I'm going to enjoy the crap out of this city until the day comes when my career causes me to leave.
And so begins my quest: I've compiled a list of 50 plus places, things or events in Seattle I want to experience. My goal is to complete at least one item on the list each week, and to describe my experiences here.
Stay tuned. This could get interesting.
---SPM
